I remember when I was a little girl, I thought we had the prettiest house in the world. Back in the seventies when my parents built their house, they painted the front part of it pink. Yes, I lived in a pink house as a little girl. I thought it was a dollhouse. I thought it was the greatest house I had ever seen. I guess, at that time, it wasn’t exactly unusual to have a pink house. It was all pristine and new. Bright white columns on the porch. Brand new cabinets in the kitchen. Pure Seventies kitsch.
But, as I grew older, I didn’t see it that way anymore. The cool Seventies gave way to the techno/modern era of the Eighties and I thought that the pink house was embarrassing. I remember telling my parents that pink was no longer an appropriate color for a house, so they painted it blue. Yes, I am an only child and totally overindulged my entire life, but they agreed and the dollhouse became any normal house on the block. The posts on the porch needed painting. The doors needed replaced. A new roof was installed. All the normal wear and tear time and the elements take on a house.
I see myself in the decaying house. I remember as a little girl and up into my twenties, I never had a problem with my weight or my health. I was always incredibly thin and healthy. I was never an active person. I have always despised physical activities of any kind, but I never really ate bad food either. The only real issues I’ve ever had are psychological, but I’ve already touched on my personal demon of BPD. Then, something happened, I got pregnant twice in my twenties and all hell broke loose in my body. The weight came off with boy number one, but boy number two was born and instead of losing weight, I started gaining it. I tried exercise, diet, etc. But, nothing at all worked. My health started deteriorating as well, high blood pressure, migraines, digestive issues—-you name it.
I tried about 10 years ago to do the South Beach Diet. I lost 40 pounds, but the minute I stopped, all of it came right back again. I was finally diagnosed with HypoThyroidism, so I had an answer to a lot of the things that plagued me. I was put on medicine and about 20 pounds came off and then…..nothing. I accepted my fate and my new size and life went on. But, inside I felt like a person trapped in one of those character suits at an amusement park. I refused to look in mirrors. I hated how I looked and how I felt. I was decaying, in my eyes, just like the house on East Walnut St.
I never had any complaints about my weight from my first husband, but when we divorced and I started talking to an ex high school boyfriend, I was so embarrassed at how I looked. He knew me at 115 pounds. How, was he ever going to be interested in me when I was 100 pounds more than that. But, he didn’t see the me that I saw. He saw me at 14. In his eyes, I was still that skinny, attractive girl from high school and he loved me even more. But, I didn’t. I hated myself. My depression would get worse when I would think about it. Then, I would put it out of my mind and move on, thinking there was nothing I could do, but be this person for the rest of my life, while the real me was screaming to get out.
Then, my life got thrown into a tailspin. The rental home that we were living in got put up for sale, so we had 60 days to vacate and find a new home. Now, I liked our house, it was my first home with my new husband, Dan, but it was never “me”. It was colonial and country and just blah!! But, I tried to cover up the parts I hated with my fresh modern, eclectic style, but that was just a temporary fix. We knew we didn’t want that house, so we started looking and fretting. Then, it hit us. Why not take the fantastic house of my childhood and make it over? My parents are in their eighties, not in great health, and there was plenty of room to expand and update. So, we took a plunge. We took over the house from my parents and started renovating.
It was around the same time that I ran into a friend. She had always had some of the same symptoms that plagued me. But, this time, I did not recognize her. She was thin, rosy-cheeked, healthy, and gorgeous. She looked happy and renewed and I was simply astonished. I needed to know her secret. Turns out, she had turned to alternative medicine for help and started seeing a N.D., a Naturopathic Doctor. With diet and herbal supplements, she was in the best mental, physical, and emotional shape of her life. I made the call. Two and a half weeks ago, I had my first consultation with my new doctor. With diet and supplements, I have lost 17 pounds so far. I am going to start my exercise routine this week. I bought Zumba for the XBox to do in my newly remodeled family room!!! I detest gyms….yuck!!! Smelly, sweaty people sharing equipment. Just NOT for me. So, I will Zumba in the privacy of my own home. 🙂
So, as my house is being remodeled, so am I. In every aspect of my life, a total renovation is taking place. I am doing more professionally and my business and my husband’s business is booming. The house is starting to look rejuvenated. And so am I. I will use this blog to follow my journey, along with the journey of a new home for my family. I am intending to post daily updates and pictures. I will post some of myself, once I am comfortable enough to do that. I hope you will enjoy my journey and find some inspiration.