If you’ve been following my blog lately, you know that I’ve been posting a poem a day in honor of National Poetry Month. I was Poet Laureate of Hanover for the past two years and recently completed my term. I adore poetry. I loved promoting it in my community and especially in the school.
Being a writer by nature, I find many different genres to express my self and my feelings. I’ve never been shy or closed about my mental health issues. I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder and Depression. I honestly don’t know what I would do without my writing. On particularly rough days, I bleed my feelings onto my computer screen. I get the bad out, in hopes of letting the good in. On good days, or more positive days, I use my writing as a way to document those happy times, such as writing about my boys or my family. I can look back on them as sort of a journal–a way that even when the darkness is overwhelming, I can turn to the words I’ve written and know that even in the shadows, I have a light inside.
Today’s poem is about those times. The back and forth times. Times that yes, I struggle to stay above water, but ultimately the light hits me and I can feel the heat of the sun and know that there is hope somewhere inside of me. My husband is my lighthouse. I know that when I’m in the waves and thrashing about, all I have to do is search through the murkiness and he’s there. This is for him.
Allison Cline Saia
With one small step, I feel the water rush
into my eyes and fill my vision with kaleidoscopic droplets
that magnify and cloud all that is in front of me.
Deeper into the watery void beneath me
I breathe out of my nose and watch the bubbles around me
on their rise to the surface in a swift flight of frenzy.
Pictures pass in my mind of all that was before
Agony, suffering, emptiness, loneliness
Yet in the solitude of a sea foam grave, hope ascends.
With a renewed yearning to escape the blackness
And see the sun that I so often hide away from in fear of burning
I reach the surface and inhale the first breath of my rebirth.